It’s time for more forwards from elderly relatives!

Prescribed by the Great Physician

The next time you feel like GOD can’t use you, just remember…

I have a desk in the sales office at the hotel. So I get to hear clients’ conversations with the rest of the sales staff. This morning an older gentleman stood in the doorway and said, “What would you say if I only paid half the bill?”

“What?” The one lady said.

“What would you say if I only paid half the bill?”

She said, “I would ask where the remainder was.”

He replied: “Then where’s the rest of my bagels? Don’t serve half bagels. It’s the tackiest damn thing you can do.” Then he walked away.

Update: So the guy came back because he knows the lady in our sales office. Some continued quotations are: “I’m sorry. How are you? It’s just it drives me crazy. It’s the tackiest damn thing you can do. It’s like taking the cake away when it’s not necessary… It’s just that you don’t cut the bagels. Cheap. Cheap and chintzy… I used to do this. You cut the bagels, you don’t cut them through all the way. You don’t separate the bagels because all the bottoms are on the top.”

It’s even funnier because his original problem was with the bagels being cut in half vertically, not horizontally, but then he started talking about that, and I don’t even know what the cake comment was about.

I’m taking an online course for my job which incorporates various visual aides. One section is on “control systems.” The following image was displayed with the title, “A Bunch of Remote Controls.”

This goes out to all the pumpkins in my patch yo!

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff—including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.

Happy Fall!

Man, I receive uplifting forwards faster than I can post them. I kept the paragraph formatting for this particular message because I think it adds to the impact. I didn’t maintain the black background and huge colored text.

The Brick Read It.

Read this today and don’t delete it if you are too busy!! You’ll see.

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down

The other day I was cleaning up after a meeting and the flipchart they were using was titled “Sea Turtles.” It was a list of characteristics of sea turtles. The first two were “wet” and “tasty.”

I thought it was pretty funny. I told this story to friend Zach on the cell phone. He didn’t laugh or reply, like he was waiting for me to finish my story. I actually took the phone from my ear to see if I lost the call. I think it was the average person equivalent to a comedian tapping his microphone and saying, “Is this thing on?”

The other day a major company had a meeting at my hotel. They requested a large number of flipcharts for some kind of training event. After it was over, I went in to take everything down and the room was full of flipcharts that said things like:

• “Other than the price being too high do you have any other concerns regarding ESP?”


• “Other than cost is there any other questions about ESP?”


• “Is it the price or the payment?”


• “So you feel the ESP price is too high?”


• “So what are you saying, is the price of ESP too high?”

I have a couple questions. First: Is this company planning to sell the secret of Extra Sensory Perception to the public? Second: Was this training session held so salespeople could practice scoffing at customers? “So wait. Are you saying the price is too high??”

Ok, so I just wrote about the conversation I had with a fellow manager who liked to call me “buddy” and “big guy.” I just talked to him again for like, 30 seconds. And in that time he didn’t refer to me as “buddy” or “big guy”, but he worked in several instances of “dude,” “man,” “buckaroo” and even “chap.” I can’t tell if he’s awesome or not. But I think he might be.

Sometimes I receive e-mail forwards which make such excellent use of the medium that I can’t faithfully reproduce them here. The following e-mail is one such case. When reading it, the best you can do to capture the original’s glory is imagine the text is huge and red, and that each quasi-sentence is followed by several carriage returns. Enjoy.

(more…)

It’s time again for me to share a wonderful e-mail forward with you:

Yes, Christmas cards. This is coming early (really early) so that you can get ready to include an important address to your list.

Read on….....

What a GREAT idea!

Fun with the ACLU…...

Wanna have some fun this CHRISTMAS? Send the ACLU a CHRISTMAS CARD this year.