Ok, so this isn’t a forward, but the last post reminded me of this. You know how churches have those “witty” sayings on their signs, like, “Eternal Forecast: Reign Forever?” One time we saw one that said “The best vitamin for a Christian is B!” What do you think it’s supposed to mean?

P.S. Have you seen the Church Sign Generator?

Sorry this is late. Sadly the (probably animated) .gif files accompanying this e-mail weren’t displaying. But it’s still spiritually edifying.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

A friend sent an early “Valentine” to see if it will make it around the world by Feb. 14th.

For God so loV ed the world,
That He gA ve
his onL y
BegottE n
SoN
T hat whosoever
Believeth I n Him
Should N ot perish,
But have E verlasting life.”
John 3:16

Send it around the World

If you’re about to complain that the letters don’t line up, don’t, because that’s pretty much how it looked when it got to me. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, the letters that spell “Valentine” are supposed to line up. BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW GOD SENT A SECRET VALENTINE MESSAGE THROUGH JOHN HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO!

I’ve been thinking lately about sending CDs out to bands and venues. It’s been too long since I’ve performed frequently. The problem is I’m not sure I want to play as just “Greg Kamprath.” My thinking is:

1. My name isn’t especially easy to remember.


2. It would be nice to be able to perform with a band as well as by myself.


3. It would be nice for the people in the band to be able to say, “I’m in the band such and such” instead of “I play in Greg Kamprath’s band.”

In the process of coming up with names, Eric and I talked about using words with identical singular and plural forms. That way, when I’m playing by myself, the word would be interpreted as singular, and when I’m playing with a band, it would be heard as plural. We couldn’t think of that many. Do you know some? So far there’s:

• deer


• fish


• moose


• sheep


• aircraft


• pants

Ok, I can’t identify this person because I would both feel bad, and because he could probably track a link back to my site… But there is a guy who books events at my hotel, and he’s trying to become a syndicated cartoonist. And I went to his website, and it was really bad. So we’ll play a word game for you to figure out what the name of the cartoon is, and then you can google it. The words in parentheses have to be replaced by a synonym.

“(soda, coke) (scientology, heaven’s gate)ure s(whore, mispelled garden implement)ck th(age, period)py”

I don’t have to tell you this, but references to things everybody knows about do not equal humor. It’s telling when he describes how he originally came up with the idea for the cartoon.

When I was visiting my parent’s house for Christmas the Capitalist Youth recorded a couple songs to celebrate Zach’s birthday. It was pretty funny because we didn’t have any equipment. My and Eric’s equipment were in other states. So we had one microphone that Zach brought over and my old 4 track tape recorder. We recorded on a “creepy halloween sounds” cassette that I found in a drawer upstairs. We also didn’t have our instruments with us so we had to use whatever I left in the basement. Listen to the songs here.

I am pretty excited. Soul-Junk has a new CD coming out / out. 1959. You can order it from the Quiver Society. Also the Soul-Junk website has been updated. I didn’t really like the last one because I couldn’t figure out how to find anything. But it was very creative.

A while back Eric sent me a forward one of his friends had received. Both the letter and the fact that someone is saving forwards for me are pretty awesome. But it’s about to get even awesomer in here, because a little while later one of my relatives sent me the same letter. It is a thing of beauty:

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

(more…)

I’ve been listening to old music I recorded in high school, and it made me think: There’s no way my parents listened all through the CDs I gave them. “Beneath the facade I’m keeping, I cannot see from weeping?” I think they might have had some questions about that (whether or not they would’ve gotten answers from me).

Despite how dramatic a lot of these songs are, I’m still pretty proud of everything I accomplished, considering how old I was. It makes me want to get over this dry patch and get some writing done.

It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don’t see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Ya’ll know who ya’ are…

• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, “One nation under God.”


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say “Christmas” instead of “Winter Festival.”


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand, remove your hat and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’ve never burned an American flag.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.

This is excellent, no matter what you deem fit to call it. It is our country, it is our way of LIFE, and I love it. If you agree please keep it going. Pass it on. God Bless the USA!

Git ‘r done, Dude!

You might be a true american if:

• You’ve ever told a child they or their parents were going to hell.


• You still say “Easter” instead of “Spring Pagan Drunk Orgie-rama.”


• You went on a jingoist rant but pretended you were telling jokes

I’m in some kind of limbo. I’m living in New Jersey, and I’m working this job, and everything is pointed at / aligned with the future. I do not want to live in New Jersey. I don’t want to be doing what I’m doing forever. So we’re waiting for the time when we can move and find new jobs and have friends. But in the meantime, everything is passing time.

This is my classic problem. When I was in college I had the same eschatological focus for once I got out. And although it’s a little fuzzier, when I was in high school I thought a lot about getting out and moving on to college. I understand that people have to have hope for the future, that it drives us. But I need to figure out for myself how to better enjoy the meantime. Maybe in the grander scheme my wheels are squealing right before I peel out. (You know me, always trying to work a car analogy into conversation) Maybe I will accomplish all the goals I wish I could accomplish. But that doesn’t change the fact that I need to be here, now.

My last semester in college I had an apartment above the dentist’s office. We would have twister parties, and sing awesome songs. I want a twister party right now.