My associate Zach and I discussed the phenomenon of e-mail forwards the other day. Where do they come from? Who is the person that first says, “I think I’ll forward this insane thing I’ve created to all my acquaintances?” You rarely see an author taking credit for a popular forward either. It seems like a mostly mom and pop operation, so we thought we could become famous by writing a bunch of forwards and signing them. We would be the Wal-mart of forwards.

Anyways, where I’m going with this, is that the following e-mail forward could be made by an imitator. The reason I say that is because parts of it seem recycled and because the e-mail makes God look kind of like a jerk. Of course neither of those is that rare with these letters, so who’s to say?

P.S. This e-mail horribly abuses the ellipsis and the carriage return.

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Ok, so this isn’t a forward, but the last post reminded me of this. You know how churches have those “witty” sayings on their signs, like, “Eternal Forecast: Reign Forever?” One time we saw one that said “The best vitamin for a Christian is B!” What do you think it’s supposed to mean?

P.S. Have you seen the Church Sign Generator?

Sorry this is late. Sadly the (probably animated) .gif files accompanying this e-mail weren’t displaying. But it’s still spiritually edifying.

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

A friend sent an early “Valentine” to see if it will make it around the world by Feb. 14th.

For God so loV ed the world,
That He gA ve
his onL y
BegottE n
SoN
T hat whosoever
Believeth I n Him
Should N ot perish,
But have E verlasting life.”
John 3:16

Send it around the World

If you’re about to complain that the letters don’t line up, don’t, because that’s pretty much how it looked when it got to me. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, the letters that spell “Valentine” are supposed to line up. BET YOU DIDN’T KNOW GOD SENT A SECRET VALENTINE MESSAGE THROUGH JOHN HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO!

A while back Eric sent me a forward one of his friends had received. Both the letter and the fact that someone is saving forwards for me are pretty awesome. But it’s about to get even awesomer in here, because a little while later one of my relatives sent me the same letter. It is a thing of beauty:

Twas the month before Christmas
When all through our land,
Not a Christian was praying
Nor taking a stand.

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It is time to change from REDNECK humor to TRUE AMERICAN Humor! Only I don’t see it as Humor, but the correct way to LIVE YOUR LIFE! If you feel the same, pass this on to your True American friends. Ya’ll know who ya’ are…

• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, “One nation under God.”


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’ve never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You still say “Christmas” instead of “Winter Festival.”


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You bow your head when someone prays.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You stand, remove your hat and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’ve never burned an American flag.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You know what you believe and you aren’t afraid to say so, no matter who is listening.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You respect your elders and expect your kids to do the same.


• You might be a TRUE AMERICAN if: You’d give your last dollar to a friend.

If you got this email from me, it is because I believe that you, like me, have just enough TRUE AMERICAN in you to have the same beliefs as those talked about in this email.

This is excellent, no matter what you deem fit to call it. It is our country, it is our way of LIFE, and I love it. If you agree please keep it going. Pass it on. God Bless the USA!

Git ‘r done, Dude!

You might be a true american if:

• You’ve ever told a child they or their parents were going to hell.


• You still say “Easter” instead of “Spring Pagan Drunk Orgie-rama.”


• You went on a jingoist rant but pretended you were telling jokes

Who writes e-mail forwards?? That’s what I want to know. They are so ridiculous that I can’t believe they were written seriously. But then there are errors and poor phrasing that I can’t imagine someone would write intentionally.

This is dedicated to those Born 1930-1979!

TO ALL THE KIDS WHO SURVIVED the 1930’s 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s !!

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant. They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

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Subject: please read this…. this is pretty powerful SATAN’S MEETING

SATAN’S MEETING: (Read even if you’re busy)

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said,

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It’s time for more forwards from elderly relatives!

Prescribed by the Great Physician

The next time you feel like GOD can’t use you, just remember…

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This goes out to all the pumpkins in my patch yo!

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff—including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc.

Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.

This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch.

Happy Fall!

Doubt. Hate. Greed. Etcetera.

Man, I receive uplifting forwards faster than I can post them. I kept the paragraph formatting for this particular message because I think it adds to the impact. I didn’t maintain the black background and huge colored text.

The Brick Read It.

Read this today and don’t delete it if you are too busy!! You’ll see.

THE BRICK

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down

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