A few months ago Zach Dietl and I decided we were going to post fake articles about each other on Wikipedia. This was inspired by the scandal where someone created a false biography for John Siegenthaler, Jr. Apparently those Wikipedia volunteers were on top of things though, and our posts got erased almost instantaneously. Since you can’t find it at Wikipedia, here is the biography of Zach Dietl. (Something you can’t see here is how I had made links to real names from the plumbing industry, etc. like you would find in a real Wikipedia article. I am so awesome.)

Zachary Dietl (January 23, 1963 – ) was an innovative plumber from Prague, Germany, who became known for his excessive coprophilia and stalking.

Childhood

Dietl was born into a working class family. His father was a steel factory worker, and besides raising five children, his mother held jobs washing clothes and upholstering furniture. Times were hard for the Dietl family, but doubtlessly his parents’ industry rubbed off on Zachary. At the age of 16, the young Dietl became apprenticed to a local plumber, Hans Zwingli, who became like a second father to him. It became apparent that Dietl was extremely adept at the work, and soon he was a full partner in the business. May 12th of 1982 there was a falling out of sorts between Dietl and Zwingli. Zwingli would later refuse to speak of the incident, even to his family. Dietl returned home from work muttering loudly, and ignoring the inquiries of his parents and siblings, packed his bags. That same week, Dietl boarded a ship for the United States. He would never return to his home town again. It’s speculated that the incident between Zwingli and Dietl was related to Dietl’s developing coprophilia.

Modern practice

In the United States, Dietl quickly developed a buzz in the plumbing world. In the February 1983 edition of Contractor Magazine, John Siegenthaler wrote: “Zachary Dietl has singlehandedly done for plumbing what Eli Whitney did for the textile industry.” Dietl rapidly acquired a catalog of plumbing related patents. Some of his most notable inventions include an extreme high capacity septic drain field, a plug resistant water conserving toilet, and a filtering/processing device for feces which facilitates reclamation.

Developing concerns

Unlike such notables as Mark Eatherton and Rob Heselbarth, Dietl couldn’t maintain the wholesome image which the public demands of it’s plumbing role models. In some respects such an image wasn’t necessary, because he rapidly moved from private plumbing practice into special research projects. Dietl worked with a select group of volunteers as he developed increasingly complex plumbing systems. Problems developed even with Dietl’s limited contact with the public. Dietl would be found crawling in the sewer or tinkering in someone’s basement at 3:00am. He would become impassioned whenever the subject of plumbing arose, and at one Plumbing and Mechanical party Dietl slapped Rob Heselbarth across the face for suggesting that the latest Aubuchon ballcock assembly was superior to the traditional design. Some allowance was made for Dietl’s eccentricity because of his great accomplishments.

Of further concern was the fact that Dietl’s designs became increasingly bizarre, and seemingly had no benefit for the consumer. One patent application described a device which collected feces in a large underground vault. Unlike a leach field, this vault could be accessed by a ladder and tunnel. Biographers have suggested there was no purpose for the device except Scrooge McDuck-like revelry.

The final straw came in October 1991. Dietl was becoming increasingly erratic in his behavior. Customers dropped out of his research program because he would be discovered on their property at all hours, wearing streets clothes but covered in feces. On October 15th, 1991, homeowner Greg Kamprath found Dietl in his bed, sprawled across the sheets and rolling in feces. The Kamprath household was not a part of Dietl’s special research program, and never had been. Kamprath moved to call the police and Dietl followed, rubbing fecal matter on his face and throwing it at Kamprath. When the police arrived, Dietl had climbed a telephone pole and removed much of his clothing.

A search of Dietl’s home yielded disturbing results. Each room was piled high with fecal matter, and narrow paths led between them. Officers needed gas masks because of the immense odor. Amid the piles of fecal matter were jars containing more fecal matter. The jars were labelled with the names of individuals and pictures. Sometimes the pictures were portaits, and sometimes they were covert images taken while the individual was defecating. The bizarre discovery was reported by the AP and Rueters, and it was covered by shows such as 20/20 and 60 Minutes as well.

Dietl’s story sent a shockwave through the plumbing industry. The public felt as if it could no longer trust the neighborhood plumber. While Dietl’s descent is tragic, his many accomplishments should not be forgotten either.